Innocence My Arse, This Fool Is Driving Me Nuts
by Madam Fiction
Summary: I quickly got near him and ate the remaining part of the Ice-Cream; I think that looked awkward because Tooth was dumbfouded at my sudden reaction. "WHY DID YOU DO THAT!" I leaned on the Tree and crossed my arms, don't play Innocent with me Bastard... "I have my reasons" And you know very well why I did It!


**I SWEAR THAT I NEADED TO WRITE THIS! PLEASE ENJOY MY CRAPPY ATTEMPT ON HILARITY T_T (I rated this "T" Because of Jack's Lenguage ^^)**

**Disclaimer: I'M NOT EVEN SORRY**

* * *

Today was definitely NOT MY DAY. Why do you ask? The first reason was because it was freaking hot as hell. Today the damned weather just decided be a twisted bastard at the commands of Mother Nature that is PMSing right now, and being the Bipolar Bitch that it she is, all her anger and wrath was released with all its mighty power at us. And God or who ever is up there doesn't seem like helping us at all.

It was like… how to describe it? One of those days where just wearing underwear didn't seem to help, one of those days when you feel as if the sun was going to calcinate your skin, one of those frigging days when what was supposed to be a cool breeze is just a hot and deadly air that can't be processed in your nose trills and you feel as if you are going to die of suffocation on the mere spot where you are standing.

Yeah, I'll leave it like that.

The other reason is _this fool_ sitting next to me. I don't even understand how this Mother Blocker can stand this heat of the devil. He was finishing the essay that was due till the next week; I could see how those reading glasses that he was wearing were starting to get foggy, his multicolored bangs were dripping little drops of sweat and his breathing seemed a little hard.

The Little fan that we were sharing didn't seem enough to help us at all, although it was at its max. I watched how my friend hesitated on his writing; I could see some wet drops on his sheet of paper, and how his hand was made into a tight fist after finishing one sentence. Silence now seemed a little terrifying; I had this feeling in the gut that something bad was going to happen. The only noise that occupied the room was the motor of the Fan doing its metallic sound.

I felt how sweat was cascading on the back of my neck and made it's way through my back, it felt so goddamn disgusting that I wanted so desperately to throw myself at the nearest bathtub and drawn on it till I was dead. Now don't get me wrong, I would rather die drowning on water than letting the summer heat kill me slowly.

My friend just looked at me; the light of the sun was reflected on his glasses that it was hard to look straight at his eyes (I fucking swear that I have seen this somewhere…) I just stared at the serious face and the glasses of doom. He slowly moved, grabbing his pen and placing it on the middle of his notebook, on a very (and I tell you) _very _slow motion he closed his notebook, and moved the thing out of his way to the most secure corner, his head started to turn like a Robot's one, on my mind I could hear the cliché rusty sound of 'Tack' that a kid's toy would make. And once again he was looking back at me, surrounded with that Aura of 'this will not turn alright'.

"Jack…"

Now I was scared, his voice was always filled with happiness and glee, and now was dry, it had a tone that didn't pass well on my ears and it was hard to get.

The atmosphere of the room now seemed Awkward yet serious, I could feel it dammit! Something was going to happen.

"Jack… I…"

I gulped down some saliva that was somehow in my mouth (I didn't notice… I swear) and with a trembling voice I just…

"Y-yes?"

Silence… dammit I hate you…

"Jack… I can hear them…" wha-?

Okay, now this is starting to freak me out.

"Wh-a-at are y-you talking about?"

He leaned a little forward, and the divine light of doom leaved his face, now the look that he possessed made me Chizz on my pants, it was like… like he was stabbed multiple times on the back that his eyes wanted to stick out of his skull from the force of his silent screaming, _his irises_, his flippin' pink-purple-pinkish-I-don't-know-what-color-Irises were now little black dot's that stared at me maniacally. His lips were parted a little from the thin line that once was on his mouth. His breathing pattern was unknown, I COULDN'T HEAR IT!

"My dad is calling me…"

**No**, don't you dare to go and leave me here Bastard

"Heaven smells like dentifrice~" he said dreamily while drooling

And then he collapsed

Now _it was time to panic…_

_"TOOOTHEOOOO!"_

* * *

"Oh come on Jack! As if I would pass away like that" said with a mocking grin the little bastard

"WHY YOU LITTLE TWIT I'M SAYING THE GLOB DARN TRUTH!"

"Yeah sure, and I'm the Tooth Fairy" he said, still with that expression of 'I win idiot you don't have proof' on his cute little face

Wait… something didn't sound right….

"Look, I don't want to start dealing with your mood-swinging problems, it's starting to get so frickin hot in here" he said fanning himself with his green tank top. "What about if-?"

Mood-Swinger… ME?! Okay, I'm done! I don't want to hear this Idiot here right now

I got to the wall next to me, and looked straight at it, I wanted to burn holes in it and send it flying to the moon and Knock out the Cow that made the gleaming night ball look like a gigantic piece of cheese. But since I can handle my self correctly, I _Instead_ started to bang my head on It.

I didn't know how many times I plunged and plasted my head on the nice concrete green wall, I lost the count after 19, but I felt how the nice-yet-painful feeling stopped when two pair of small hands grabbed me on the chest, I felt how a chin leaned on my shoulder, and the chilling sound of breathing started to send shivers up and down my spine.

The heat on my back started to increase, and my breathing too due to this damn weather. I wanted to get out of here, but… I was comfortable… I admit it… The breathing was still there, and now it was like…

The shivers kept going up and down and my breathing got a little more accelerated, and then _I_ _felt it_, I felt the Pounding on my back, It was like some kind of racing pulse that was now driving me mad, then It clicked in my mind, I recovered some kind of conscience that left me after my banging sessions stopped. And I knew exactly now who was holding me like this.

_Tootheo_

Now it was my turn to join the race, my heart started to pound faster than his, his hold tightened a little more and his breathing decreased.

"Are you alright?" he asked on a quiet voice

I tried my best to calm my self, I tried my best to process what was going on here.

"Y-yeah..."

His hands slowly retreated, and his chest with his beating heart too. I was glad, because that was embarrassing, but at the same time I was not... for some reason I wanted him to hug me again... just one more time.

"Well then!" I jumped at that sudden change of attitude

I stared dumbfounded at him, his face was adorned with an adorable cheeky smile, while his cheeks were painted with a tint of pink.

"Huh?"

"What about if we go outside and get some Ice-cream?"

* * *

Why must I be so stupid? I accepted this Fool's invitation; I was savoring the Ice-cream so badly that I forgot that: In order to get one, we needed to get out to Satan's Microwave.

We were already out, and I swear that I was sweating in parts that I didn't knew I could. This was so gross, I thought that drowning on the bathtub would come in handy now...

I started to walk angry, I was so pissed off with this heat that I was giving long and heavy strides instead of civilized footsteps, I wanted so badly to punch Tootheo on the face for dragging me out of the house...

"Fucking weather son of a Bit-"

"Jack language please" said Tooth with a smug little grin

OH yes, I was going to punch him dearly on that pretty heart-shaped face

When we finally found a store, we ran like frantic people on Rush Hour to the insides of the Store, I swear that inside was like Heaven, the air was cold the air was so perfect! I wanted to stay here till the night; until outside there (Ahemm Hell) was at least cool.

I was enjoying this moment, I was savoring the taste of fresh air, but my little pleasure died when I opened my eyes, and the idiot I dared to call my friend was still looking me with that smug face, his little grin was somehow making me angry.

I glared at him, hoping that this coldness would respond at me and Freeze this fool.

"Why are you smiling like that?" I asked him gritting my teeth

"Now now Jackson, no need to ruin your teeth"

I'll make sure to ruin yours if you keep acting like a Jerk

"Do you realize that once we buy the Ice-cream we must exit this place~?"

Right at that moment, those words were like a fatal blow to me, I could feel how my eyes were burning and the flames of rage were expanding trough my body, my hands were near Tooth's little neck, I wanted so badly to choke him but self-control only made it worst. All my strength made my hands just stay there trembling with desire to kill him.

"Haa, I must thank Emma for convincing your Father, those Self-control classes really worth it all!"

This fool kept playing with me, he made that stupid kid's trick of putting your open palm near your nose and making it go up and down while you changed faces, God If you exist PLEASE HELP ME!

"Just give me ONE reason for me to not kill you in this instant"

His hand stopped on his chin while his expression stayed as one of deep thought, his index finger tapped on his chin while his lips stretched out, I don't know why but… he looked adorable like that…

His I-don't-know-what-color-eyes got bigger in realization, he took two steps and he faced me with a serious face, his hand signaled me to come closer, and being the first class Idiot that I am I did it without hesitating.

I could hear his breathing near my ear, the little air that escaped from his nose trills sent shivers on my spine, and made my heart thump like a drum.

"My only reason is…"

Is…?

"Because you love me~!"

Those words were A BIG BOMB. My face went completely red, and my heart was singing the song of death, I swear over my mom's grave that this Fool likes to play with me his twisted game of manipulation or something.

Just before I could ACTUALLY grab his neck he ran while laughing on amusement, now it was my code time to Explode

"Tootheo Quarters I'm so fucking done with you!"

* * *

Have I told you already that I hate my life?

This Fucking weather was slowly starting to kill me. We got out of the store and it didn't took 10 seconds for me to start sweating.

God, The streets, **_THE STREETS!_** It felt so horrible, I thought I was walking on the biggest frying pan on the whole world, and I'm telling you I could see some smoke coming out of the pavement. Not a single bird was flying around nor a single person was walking on the sidewalks.

Tootheo and I were the only Insane people walking in Hell itself.

I started to regret going out of Tooth's house, I wanted so desperately to run to my house and never come out of it till it was winter.

"Hey Jack! What about if we go to the park?"

I instantly turned at him, my eyes wide in horror, begging him to stop kidding with me.

"Please tell me that the Heat hasn't affected you senses, Tooth we are on the middle of Hell's Kitchen… AND YOU WANT TO GO TO THE PARK?!"

He just stared at me with a normal face.

"Yes, yes I do"

* * *

Never on my 17 years alive have I eaten on a pissed mood. I started to munch my blue Popsicle, while I was loathing at the sun that was starting to set down on some kind of SLOW MOTION. Each bite that I took of the Piece of Ice made me want to turn off the big ball of fire.

Without noticing I finished the thing instantly, I almost swallowed the stick, but I'm not THAT retarded to do it so…

We were sitting on one of the biggest Trees that the park had; the shadow that the trunk provided us with was slowly becoming darker, I could feel that little breeze that had a little chill on it; looking at the stick on my hand I began to wonder how many of these would take me to collect and make a little tower…

I was going to ask Tootheo about it, but at the instant I turned at his side, I felt like I did the biggest mistake on the whole day

This dumb-ass was so entertained eating his Ice-Stick that was beginning to melt, he started to lick the tip, his damned tongue was slowly running from the tip to the bottom where the stick began, I swear that he was on a high level of concentration because his lips caught every single bit of running liquid, and at the end he started to suck it up… SLOWLY!

"T-Tooth…"

The Idiot didn't seem to hear me because he kept eating the thing, this was driving me nuts, I felt how my face went on fire as his lips kept moving on the Popsicle, and the worst thing of all was… that the flavor of the thing was… Vanilla

The fucking thing was melting at a quick peace, little droplets of the sticky liquid started to run on his palm, and to prevent from letting them run farther he licked his wrist and the tip of his fingers, his tongue cleaned every one of them with grace and detail that the final tips of sweet liquid were swallowed on his mouth.

He seemed like he was eating something that wasn't a Popsicle, and THAT was driving me so mad… It was seriously turning me on.

He glanced at me dumbfounded for a moment, and then he returned to his Ice-sucking duty, thank god that he didn't took a chance to look at me for a longer time, my face was boiling and I felt some drool sticking out of the corner of my mouth, please let this mental image stick out of my mind, I mean THIS was my Best friend… and I had a crush on him… well darn it.

Oh God! Now he was making strange noises, he seemed like he was REALLY enjoying it, his cheeks were flushed a little and his look seemed a little tired, so in order to finish the thing he… he BIT IT.

This was the worst torture that I have EVER experienced, I was starting to get a little horny and THAT wasn't Ok. The Bastard was doing it on purpose I KNOW IT; he was playing again with my mind like he always does I bet that he was enjoying it so much.

Damn this weather, damn this circumstance, damn this fool.

He was finishing the last part; the remaining bit was at the end of the stick, so he made it go upwards by sucking it more, this only made worst the situation, my mind was carburizing bad things, and when I mean BAD THINGS you would not want to know or see what I am thinking.

So before he could eat it, I made my move.

I quickly got near him and ate the remaining part; I think that looked awkward because Tooth was (again) dumbfounded at my sudden reaction. His eyes got big and shock was written very well over them. His left eyebrow was having a Ticking session and the stick that was on his hand fell to the ground.

I munched the Ice with vanilla flavor, I let it melt inside my mouth and then I swallowed it up.

Silence…

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!" he asked with anger and shock

I leaned on the Tree and crossed my arms, a little smirk gracing my very handsome face.

"I have my reasons" yeah, and I need to calm my self because I feel hot on certain parts

"Jackass… THAT WAS MY FINAL BIT!"

"And? What do you want me to do?"

"GIVE IT BACK!"

My face got blank for a moment; I didn't expect and didn't WANT to hear that, I lost some self-control because my actions were instant.

"You want it back?"

"Yes! I want It Back!"

**_Wrong Answer_**

I don't know how I did it, but in a quick movement I was over Tooth, leaning inches near his face, his breath smelt like vanilla and somehow I could still smell some dentifric essence.

"Well here you have it" I said as I kissed him

He gasped breath when I clashed my lips on his; my tongue was on his lips so he opened his mouth trying to take a gasp of air, he of course failed at his attempt because I was now inside his mouth, It tasted so wonderful that I was starting to lose my senses, what shocked me most was when he corresponded to my kiss.

It felt so God Damn Good!

We took apart after the kiss, his face was completely red and his eyes wide open on a cute way.

"Why did you kissed me like that all of a sudden?!"

Ohh, Payback time Fucker

"Well it was your damn fault all this time so…"

"My fault on what?!"

"YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!"

"NO I DON'T!"

And now it turns out this Mother Trucker didn't know a damn thing about his Sinful Actions

"Oh come on don't play Innocent on me! You were doing it on purpose just to turn me on!"

His enraged face changed so suddenly, because now it was his trademark Confused expression.

Oh Shit…

"Doing on purpose wha-?!" Shit Shit Shit Shit "OH MY GOD! JACK YOU PERVERT!"

I don't know if I should be embarrassed or enjoying this scene, he was so flustered that he was way darn beyond cute.

"I'm not a pervert! I just simply discovered that I can be turned ON so easily"

"You are disgusting"

"And you love me because of that" I answered him with glee on my voice

We both stood on silence, and I fucking hate these kinds of silence, it always makes me feel like some kind of anomaly was going to poop out of nowhere.

"Well… I guess you are right…" wait, what did I just heard?

"Excuse me?"

Instead of getting an answer he kissed me again, but this time sweetly.

I was lost on this kiss that I guess I lost the track of time.

We were a strange sight on the park, two dudes kissing down a tree in the middle of sunset was a bizarre scene that (I guess) no one would like to encounter…

Yeah... today was Definitely NOT MY DAY!

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**OMG What have I written?! Care to Explain me that? Please Leave a Review :3**

**~Ai Link**


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